I often think that we have the most amazing ability of expression, of letting people around us know how we feel about them, how we value their presence. Do we always realize that? Or does time slip out of our hands and it remains unexpressed love, unshared pain, and an untold story as the other person may, in the end, move out of our lives forever? Sometimes we carry around this regret without even realizing it. I’ve always wondered why we would carry around such baggage when we could just let go of them.
When we were kids how prolonged were our fights – it hardly lasted; but as adults we have huge barriers like inability to forgive, inability to express our hurt through words, cold war… it’s a long list. Why does it take a life time for us to realize that love unexpressed is equal not loving at all? I would like to take you through a story…
Jimmy came back home and was happy to see his dad home early that day, after a long time. He peeped into his room and saw him engrossed in conversation over phone and his work. So he went out to play with other kids. Seeing others playing with their fathers brought tears in his eyes. On the way back, he began thinking about his own life. His mother had passed away when he was two years old, so did his grandmother a couple of years back. He was lonely. He knew his dad loved him because he was in the best of schools, provided with everything that he needed. He remembered the last camp he had with his dad, happy memories. It’s been almost six seven months since dad has got this busy but Jimmy really wished that his dad at least spoke to him more often.
Jimmy grabbed his courage and walked up to his dad and told him, “Dad, there is a parents’ meeting and my class teacher has requested you to come.”
Jimmy walked out happy, he was actually singing and wanted his dad to be surprised to see him on stage. The day came and he reminded his dad about the meeting and he was assured that he would be attending the function.
………………….. ………………………. …………………..
Jimmy could not hold on, he ran to the bathroom and cried his heart out as his dad had not made it. At home he did not speak a word. They had dinner together and his dad said that he tried his best but could not make it to the function. Jimmy nodded his head and they went to bed. The next few days Jimmy did not meet dad, even for dinner because he used to sleep by the time his dad got home.
Next day Jimmy was irritated as Tom was telling him how his dad has taken a picture of him singing and framed it. Tom asked Jimmy what did his dad do with the picture and Jimmy just walked away. Jimmy went home that evening and could not hold himself together. He decided that his world is crashing down, he felt his heart would stop; his grief had no limits.
He took out a blade and was watching the glittering tip of it.
Suddenly he heard a knock at the door, he was surprised to see his dad. His face was gleaming, hugging Jimmy, he said “I love you and I think you are the best happening in my life and I’m really proud of you.” He then took out a blue badge and pinned it in Jimmy’s sweater. He said that his boss had pinned it on him as he really admired him for his hard work and will make sure that they speed up the process of his promotion. Dad added, “The person I admire the most is you, because you have been very responsible and understood me without complaining. You’re a very strong kid, and some day you would be a great person, I’m sure of that.” Jimmy did not know what to do, he cried like he never had and so did his dad. Jimmy said “I love you dad, and I’m not that strong, I really missed you”. He confessed all that he had been through and returned the badge saying he does not deserve it. His dad held his cheeks, “this is precisely why I feel you deserve it, you are much stronger than I thought.”
We often misjudge and lead lives on the basis of assumptions, to end up hurting ourselves more than others. So let’s just let go, speak it out and put the baggage down. It’s a short life, let’s not hurt each other. Be gentle, be kind and love to the fullest. Desire good for others, impart a smile. And remember “sometimes all you need to do is just say……..”